the perfect fit

all it took was one glance
for me to find something that i have been looking for
at first i thought it was nothing
but that nothing turned out to be something i've never had before

from then on i knew
that something big is about to happen
in just a matter of seconds
i found myself already falling

i got scared for it has just been days
but what i was feeling was something i can not deny
i gave it a shot, and just see where it goes
because i know for a fact that to myself i can not lie

things changed when you walked into my life
twisted and turned everything into something that was "it"
when we found love in each others arms,
all there was left for me to say was "finally, a perfect fit".

xoxo
anj024

wish

i want to be with someone

who sees me for who i am,

unerstand me when i get too confusing

and accept me for what i have become..

i need someone mature enough to control me

and would ask me to stop when i needed t,

someone childish enough to laugh with me

and would freely join me in doing things i love to do..

i am waiting for that someone who would make me fall hard

someone who'd surely catch me, and would never let me go

someone who'd shed a tear whenever i'm in pain

and pick me up whenever i feel so low..

hoping for that someone may seem like an impossible dream

not knowing when, how or will he come by,

but i am willing to take the risk even if it taks forever

for i want to be with that someone until the day i die..

xoxo

anj

weeping heart

I heard a scream
But the scream was from nowhere
I heard something crash
But I can’t find it anywhere

I saw rivers of tears
But I haven’t seen the eyes
I saw the face of rejection
But I just can’t seem to recognize

I kept looking
Still I can not find
I kept on waiting
But there was no sign

Frustration embraced me
Defeat became my company
My weakness took over me
And happiness became my enemy

I stopped searching
That’s when I saw
When I came to my senses
All I did was drop my jaw

Everything that had happened
Could not be seen anywhere
It was too late before I knew
That it’s inside of me though I’m unaware

Bitterness had taken over me
I was blinded by hatred
I became numb because of anger
And revenge was what I wanted

I became deaf
And wasn’t able to figure out
That all I have been hearing
Was me from inside-out

What I need is time
Time to reconstruct
What I need is love
Love that is real; not an act

I want to break free
From the prison I have made
I want to live life
The way I should have lived

No more tears
No more breaks
No more fears
And no more aches

I will go and find love
In places I have never been
I’ll take chances and risks
To find the happiness yet unseen…

xoxo

star

As I gazed out my window,
I saw my star dying
i wondered what happened
then I stared crying
my star was getting weaker
as she waited for something
that something came
but it turned out to be nothing
my star became hopeless
but still carried on shining
for she believed that one day
someone will give her life a meaning
a new star came to the rescue
and give my star a reason to live
gave her love and affection
and everything else it could give
my star regained her strength
ready to face a new chapter
she entrusted her being
to the star that wanted to be with her
my new star is shining so bright
made my star shine brighter than ever
im happy to see my star live again
and I hope this time it will be forever
now its time for me to move on
from the thing that let my star die
ive learned my lesson
and that is not to believe a lie
no more crying
no more pain for me
now im leaving all behind
and im gonna live happily


xoxo
anj

as i watch the night fall
i realized how empty im feeling
i have never felt this before
but i guess i have to get used to it

the emptiness radiates from within
i just cant figure out where
is it from my mind?
or from my heart?

this empty feeling frightens me
that it might turn out to be the worst feeling i could have
i am frightened to turn numb, numb from everything
i was scared to get hurt, now im the one hurting myself

i have to find myself
be sure about what i really want
search for my soul deep within me
and then maybe i could answer all my questions

i can't go on through life like this
living inside my bubble created by me
a bubble to make me feel safe
isolate me from everyone

everyday i try to fake a smile
so that no one would know what im really feeling
but how long will this make believe last?
would it be enough to cover my truth?

im lost, weak, intimidated and empty
to sum it all up, im the other word for lonely
never had i imagined my life to be like this
i wish one day, i would wake up feeling whole again..


xoxo
anj

i just can't

>its 11:00 in my watch, still can't sleep..

it has been 1 month,2 days, 8 hrs and 30 mins since we parted ways..
everything feels so fresh, just the way it felt yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before the day before yesterday. it has been a rough month for me. seeing you so near but then again sa far from me. you seemed to be out of my reach.

i tried to reach out, drawing myself closer to you, but i guess that was not the right thing to do. i just placed myself somewhere im not supposed to be in. its hard to se myself drown, drown in the river of tears i have shed, drown in the overflowing pain that was coming from my heart. i should have never been there, i shouldn't have let that happen. i shouldn't have let myself be taken over by the intense feeling, for that intense feeling was just put to waste. i wanted to be mad, i wanted to hate, but i can't.. i just can't.. how can i hate the only nperson i have loved this deeply. yes, i was deeply inlove, and yes, i am madly inlove.

i know i should get over you, i know i should move forward, take adult steps towards freedom. freedom from the prison i have made, a prison where my feelings were the only barrier.

why can't i move on?
why can't i just let go of this feeling?
i feel so stupid! stupid enough to be willin g to get hurt over and over and over again.. :((

the moment i fell, i couldn't manage to get up when you walked into that door.
in an instant, you managed to commit a crime
~you knocked me dead
~drained the blood running through my veins
~took my breath away in just a snap
~suffocated me with your presence
~intoxicated me with your radiance
~ripped my heart off of me
~pulled the trigger to my sanity
and yet, you managed to get a way with it

i died when you left
i knew you wouldn't come back
i thought you'd be happy with what you chose
i thought it was the end for us..

you came back to my dying soul
i was furious
but a tear fell from your eye
i couldn't help biut breakdown

i was weak..the sound of your voice made me forget what you did
the sight of your face blinded me from the reality
and a touch of your hand brought me to life

i took the risk to be with you again
but it turned out to be nothing
i woke up, realizing that everything was a lie,
~my worst dream, my sweetest nightmare~
i died right then and there...
im sober but intoxicated
i'm sane but half crazy
im strong yet im weak
i may be absurd, but its beacause of that fatal element called love..

now im dying but still trying to hold on.
hold on to something that i know wouldn't be there..
i need to stand up, get myself together.. compose myself and be a better me..

for i have learned that for me to be loved, i have to love myself more than anyone could


~its the hardest thing to do~



xoxo
anj